Bread For the Soul: Surviving the Emotional Storm
Finding Focus in the Emotional Storm
Focus 1: Don’t Fight Your Natural Responses:
Our fear reactions kick in when the worst of life is upon us. Most individuals experience an ebb and flow of strong emotions: shock, numbness, problem solving, grief, and finally fear that we must endure another onslaught. In the first stages of trauma, I encourage victims to allow themselves the shock, numbness, problem solving reactions. Additionally, at any point people will also seem to carry on as if nothing is happening, laughing at jokes at a funeral visitation or worrying about their pets while their spouse is dying… in general, a disconnected response to the current state of affairs.
Our brains and bodies lead the way, and the thoughts and actions we have when emotionally taxed are acceptable, even though you feel funny or strange about yourself. Your brain knows how much you can process at a time. Your body will often respond to hardship in unexpected ways. If we look at ourselves and our reactions to hardship after the fact, we may feel embarrassed about what we said or did, we may wonder what in the world we were thinking. The key is to know that there is no WRONG response to emotional trauma, except for destructive behavior. Emotional trauma is meant to be survived. That is the only real focus needed while fighting in the storm.
This is all a gift from God. He created our brains and bodies to protect us in times of stress. However, we mistakenly think that our only solution is to live by the motto We believe that God wants us be strong, to be stoic, immediately forgiving, calm, spiritual, accepting… Scripture shows us in countless instances that the only requirement from God is that There is no need to “get a grip” when we are “within His grip.” He knows we are weak.
We are within God’s grip.
Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!
Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt
Focus 2: Give Yourself Time to Wait Upon the Lord:
Micah 7:7But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. (NIV)
Ecclesiastes 9:11 Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.
Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful
Sue Monk Kidd tells a story that reflects our often mistaken viewpoint on “waiting.” During a retreat at a monastery, in her restless state, she notices a monk:
"[He was] sitting perfectly still beneath a tree. There was such reverence in his silhouette, such tranquil sturdiness, that I paused to watch. He was the picture of waiting.
"Later I sought him out. 'I saw you today sitting beneath the tree—just sitting there so still. How is it that you can wait so patiently in the moment? I can't seem to get used to the idea of doing nothing.'
"He broke into a wonderful grin. 'Well, there's the problem right there, young lady. You've bought into the cultural myth that when you're waiting you're doing nothing.'
"Then he took his hands and placed them on my shoulders, peered straight into my eyes and said, 'I hope you'll hear what I'm about to tell you. I hope you'll hear it all the way down to your toes. When you're waiting, you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be.'”
This is where God eventually called me after all those months: to a new perspective of becoming something out of seemingly nothing.
Focus 3: Don’t Get Stuck. Open Yourself to God’s “Holy Invasion”:
(Larissa Peters on What it Means to Wait Upon the Lord, August 10, 2010)
“My grandpa shared a piece of advice I would forget, only to remember it after I had to learn the hard way: “Larissa,” he said, “when you pray, pray as to get to know Christ. Prayer is about knowing our Father in heaven.” A little taken aback at the seeming irrelevancy of the advice, I nodded my head and changed lanes. I have to remember this, I thought. OK, I told myself, I should pray to know Christ; OK, I have to do that … then I will know what God’s will is for me.
Months down the road after discouragement, angst, anger and frustration, I found myself still in the same place, still with no perspective future, unemployed and even more worried and restless than before.
I sat on the rocks by a river near our house, having spent a week in tears and confusion, feeling broken and overwhelmed. I felt as though I had somehow fallen into a deep ditch, and I could not even find any foothold to climb out. I had never felt so discouraged in my life. When looking at where I could be in five years or even five months, I could not even conjure up a small picture through the blackness that enveloped me.
Looking out across the river, I just sat. I did nothing.
And a question came to me: “Larissa, what are you waiting for?”
That was easy. “For You, Lord.”
“Larissa, what are you waiting for?”
Hmm. “For You, of course, Lord."
“Larissa, what are you waiting for?”
I began to feel like Peter, “Um ... for You, Lord!”
“Are you really?”
This question came softly, like a gentle hand that lifted up my chin to help me see more than my feet.
I asked myself the question again, “Am I really?” It dawned on me slowly and my grandfather’s words came back to me: “When you pray, pray to know Christ.”
Yes, I had been waiting for the Lord … but for Him to come through for me with a job, a plan, anything that came up, just something more than waiting on the Lord.
“Waiting on the Lord” can become cliché quite quickly, but I began to finally see what my grandpa meant. I had an agenda each time I prayed. My prayers did not reveal a satisfaction in God but dissatisfaction with Him. I knew I could trust Him, but I prayed as though my plans were wiser and better than His. I prayed as though I did not trust Him.
As soon as I began to pray without an agenda, my inner anxieties began to dissolve.
I relaxed about where I was and who I was.
My vision seemed uncannily clearer. I no longer prayed with the nonverbal ultimatum of “come through for me or else."
I arrived at a place of “being” instead of waiting. I became comfortable and comforted.”
Focus 4: Your Emotional Traumas are not the sum total of the “Essential You”:
This essential point is so powerfully made by POINT OF GRACE’S song…
"Heal The Wound"
I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then
I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Be confronted and changed by God’s messages.
God speaks through songs, through nature, through experiences, through faith, and through people:
One church chose as its Lenten theme, "Forty Days of Love." Each week members of the congregation were encouraged to show their love and appreciation in different ways. The first week they were encouraged to send notes to people who had made positive contributions to their lives. After the first service a man in the congregation wanted to speak to his pastor. The pastor describes the man as "kind of macho, a former football player who loved to hunt and fish, a strong self-made man." The man told his pastor, "I love you and I love this church, but I'm not going to participate in this Forty Days of Love stuff. It's OK for some folks," he said, "but it's a little too sentimental and syrupy for me."
A week went by. The next Sunday this man waited after church to see his pastor again. "I want to apologize for what I said last Sunday," he told him, "about the Forty Days of Love. I realized on Wednesday that I was wrong." "Wednesday?" his pastor repeated. "What happened on Wednesday?" "I got one of those letters!" the man said. The letter came as a total surprise. It was from a person the man never expected to hear from. It touched him so deeply he now carries it around in his pocket all the time. "Every time I read it," he said, "I get tears in my eyes."
It was a transforming moment in this man's life. Suddenly he realized he was loved by others in the church. This changed his entire outlook. "I was so moved by that letter," he said, "I sat down and wrote ten letters myself." Receiving that letter was a transforming experience for Mr. Macho. It came from a mailbox rather than a mountaintop, but the effect was the same - his perspective was changed. God breaks into our lives and we are changed.
Does your God work miracles in our lives, in our hearts, and in our emotions? It all depends on what one means by a miracle. Some people say it's a miracle that God does the will of the people. We Christians ought to know it's a miracle when people do the will of God.
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together! I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. (Psalm 34:1-22)
