A Sacred Wakefulness
I am a terrible sleeper. I have trouble falling asleep. I have trouble staying asleep, and I don’t feel good while I’m sleeping.
This habit of poor sleeping began in the second grade and became entrenched as my sleep cycle. I contracted a lengthy illness. For months, one of my parents had to sleep with me while I struggled with the effects of pneumonia and the flu. I was always in a state of misery or fretfulness and wanted company in my dark room at night. I would fall asleep with one leg draped over a parent to lock them in place. Only then, and with the soothing sound of the vaporizer, could I eventually relax and sleep. Inevitably, and unfortunately for my poor bedraggled parents, I would wake up several hours later to find that my mother or dad had slipped out of my room to try to rest in their own bed. I would immediately get up and and drag them back with me so I could fall asleep again with the comfort of knowing that I was being watched over.
The worst thing about not sleeping well is the loneliness. One finds themself awake, in the dark, with not much to do, and only their thoughts to deal with. It is the “thinking” that really gets to an insomniac because most worries become inflated at night and every conundrum seems to have no solution. Rolling, tossing, and worrying becomes the typical past-time of an insomniac. By the time everyone else has awakened renewed and refreshed for another day, we non sleepers feel like we have been in the “situation room” at the White House trying to solve all of the world’s problems throughout the night. (We tend to be grumpy and pessimistic in the morning.)
If any of you relate to this, I propose for myself and everyone else a new paradigm for sleeplessness. Let’s turn it into “Sacred Wakefulness.” After all, sleep experts advise insomniacs to go ahead and get up if they awake at night. Transition to another room, and read. I am proposing that you and I try something new. Rather than watching TV or looking at Facebook, let’s rather turn to the Bible and pray. Nothing can truly calm us or numb our worries except for God. It is a “no brainer” then. During Lent we will begin a new habit of turning away from inflated feelings pain and loneliness. Instead, we will have sacred time with God. You will find that when morning comes, the world is a better place because you faced your nighttime thoughts through the lens of God, and you listened for his leading in the quiet of the evening.
Psalm 30 reminds us that in our waking or our sleeping, he makes sacred our time with Him and He renews us beyond our imagining:
“I will exalt your for you, Oh Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O Lord, you brought me up from the grave, you spared me from going down into the pit…WEEPING MAY REMIAN FOR A NIGHT, BUT REJOICING COMES IN THE MORNING.”
In case you think this article was written only for non sleepers who worry at night, reconsider. Whether day or night, our soul is vulnerable to trolling the depths of despair and our minds weaken in the face of significant struggles. God means for us to know that those moments in the “pit” should be turned over to Him. In Lent, start a new habit; God to be with you in the dark and scary places of your life. He is an expert at problem solving.
